In The Name Of Love
I closed my first business deal at the age of 12.
Through my first boyfriend.
This was the context:
This guy was neighbors with one of my friends at that time. I told her I liked him and asked if she could set us up as boyfriend-girlfriend.
Surprisingly, he accepted. He didn’t know much about me, other than the fact that we had someone in common.
But there was a problem.
We went to different schools, so we only saw each other for about 10 minutes after class while I waited for my bus to come.
This didn’t feel enough to formalize our relationship, so we thought of ways to make it more official.
After some brainstorming, we agreed:
We would select a song that would be labeled as “our song”. Like an anthem of our bond.
We would post once a week on a platform we used to have back in the day, much before Facebook or similar social media. This would be something dedicated to each other, to express our love and appreciation.
We would update our Messenger nickname with some reference to our new lovebirds’ status.
It looked… transactional. Yet we were both very happy with those terms, as far as I can remember.
My point is that all relationships are utilitarian. Or they should be.
They should be a mutually beneficial agreement, where both parties are getting something positive out of it.
What I can provide for you AND what you can provide for me.
I don’t believe in solely caring about yourself, just like I don’t think pure altruism leads to anything good.
We need balance. We need to be in the same boat. Rowing hand in hand.
Fast-forward to a few years later, things haven’t changed that much.
When I look at the relationships in my life, I do the same exercise I did during the brainstorming session with boyfriend #1.
So we can serve each other in the best way possible.
I ask the following:
When do we both feel most appreciated?
What specific actions would help us achieve that feeling?
How do we want to move forward with this?
What does success in our relationship look like for us?
How can we support each other in our individual dreams and goals?
How can we support each other in our individual struggles?
How should we handle conflict?
What are our boundaries?
How can we practice open and honest communication?
Are there any traditions or habits we want to incorporate in our relationship?
These questions are useful to see if there is common ground or what compromises can be reached.
They deepen the relationship and allow space for both parties to grow and feel they’re gaining a lot from it.
Seek balance.
Win at life.
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Until soon,
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